Change your thoughts, acknowledge your feelings and love yourself!
"My story is a love story, but only those who are tortured by love can understand what I mean. I was pictured as a fat, unfeeling woman. True, I am fat, but if that is a crime, how many of my sex are guilty. I am not unfeeling, stupid or moronic. My last words and my last thoughts are: Let him who is without sin cast the first stone."
Martha Beck (American murderess, before her execution, 1951)
Indeed. How many of us feel that being fat is the end of the world? Or, we can’t enjoy the worldly things? The not-so-recent Ayesha Siddiqui-Shoaib Malik controversy has identified the Fat Girl Syndrome, which could be the main reason behind their denials and accusations against each other and the ‘no-acceptance-for-marriage’ but speedy ‘talaq’ incident.
We are bombarded by weight loss commercials, fat-free food, fad diets and stick-thin ‘size sero’ models wherever we go. But what is it that still makes us feel fat? It’s nothing else, but one’s mindset. Senior Consultant Psychologist Dr Sanjay Chugh explains: “Body image and self-esteem have always gone hand-in-hand. Body image is how we view and feel about our physical appearance and self-esteem is how we perceive ourselves in totality, how much do we love and approve of ourselves?”.
“To a certain extent, one's self-esteem also gets shaped by how others view and evaluate us and how much are we liked or loved by them,” adds Dr Chugh.
Ananya Tripathi still admits to feeling fat (and therefore unappealing). She laments: “In school, I was always the fat girl of the bunch. I didn’t really make any guy friends since I was always going out with my boyfriend, who was very thin. And I always believed what he said, though, he dumped me after 8 years of relationship only because I am fat.” Ananya’s experience probably seems familiar, because women are mainly responsible for the emotional labor in relationships, and not men.
Disturbing it may be, but there are instances like Ananya’s, where many girls fall into the Fat Girl or Ugly Duckling Syndrome. “I have friends that are gorgeous women, successful and just plain beautiful. I was in situations early in my life where I was down on myself. As a child, I was always chunkier and had the fat girl syndrome. I regret missing out on a lot of things,” says 27-year-old physiotherapist Vibhuti Acharya.
Fitness Consultant Dr Namita Agarwal of Fitness Fusion says: “Being obese or overweight is the root cause. Whether you are in a relationship or out of it, being fit and healthy is essential.”
Ritu Gupta, who has been a hardcore fitness freak all throughout her life, laments: “No matter what size you are, you have to find your self worth and confidence. To feel sexy or beautiful and to be able to find a significant other to make you feel that way either, it is important to have a healthy workout regime, look good and attractive.”
Shaila George, a housewife in her 30’s, says: “I am too ashamed to even talk to friends and family. My husband has been unhappy with my weight gain over the past four years. He argues unnecessarily and told me that I am ugly, fat and don’t turn him on any more. My morale went down and I am unable to cope with the fact that my husband is not interested in me because am overweight.” However, how hard it may be but being overweight may ruin relationships, to an extent. “We have already filed for divorce. My husband is a very shallow person to use my looks and weight as an excuse. I no longer want a man who tries to break me,” laments George.
How to deal with it?
Senior Consultant Psychologist Dr Sanjay Chugh says: “Concepts like beauty, fairness, perfect body size, etc are glamourized and are associated with a lot of approval and acceptance from self and others around us. This somewhere gets reinforced in the minds of young girls and often puts them under pressure and makes them less appreciative of themselves. At times the pressure is from the outside, that is, external rather than internal. There are people - family, friends, relatives - who tell us how unappealing we look or that our body size is a reason why we are disliked or rejected by others. This can become extremely difficult to bear at an emotional level especially when such criticisms come from one's boyfriend or husband. The girl ends up feeling embarrassed and ashamed for what she is and how she is and begins to think that her boyfriend / husband does not like her, finds her unattractive, ugly and therefore would not love her and reject her. It is this fear of being rejected or disapproved or the need to be approved and loved by your partner that often drives them to do anything possible under the sun, no matter how self-damaging it might be, physically and / or emotionally.”
He further adds: "One way of bringing about a change and dealing with this Fat Girl Syndrome is learning to respect and appreciate yourself for what you are and how you are, irrespective of how and what others have to say or think about it. If one is able to love herself unconditionally, then it makes little difference to how others assess you. Becoming comfortable with your own body image is very important in order to keep yourself in a healthy state of mind else one is always preoccupied with our looks, worrying about it, feeling depressed and dissatisfied with it. Count your strengths and assets and learn to give yourself credit for it. Become aware of your weaknesses and work towards improving yourself and becoming better as that would do wonders to your confidence level and help you have a broader perspective on how to evaluate self and others around you".
Talk it out!
Has this happened to you? Have you been in a FGS-like situation? If so, what did you do to get over the absolute hurt of being rejected because of your looks/weight? I would love to hear from you!
"My story is a love story, but only those who are tortured by love can understand what I mean. I was pictured as a fat, unfeeling woman. True, I am fat, but if that is a crime, how many of my sex are guilty. I am not unfeeling, stupid or moronic. My last words and my last thoughts are: Let him who is without sin cast the first stone."
Martha Beck (American murderess, before her execution, 1951)
Indeed. How many of us feel that being fat is the end of the world? Or, we can’t enjoy the worldly things? The not-so-recent Ayesha Siddiqui-Shoaib Malik controversy has identified the Fat Girl Syndrome, which could be the main reason behind their denials and accusations against each other and the ‘no-acceptance-for-marriage’ but speedy ‘talaq’ incident.
We are bombarded by weight loss commercials, fat-free food, fad diets and stick-thin ‘size sero’ models wherever we go. But what is it that still makes us feel fat? It’s nothing else, but one’s mindset. Senior Consultant Psychologist Dr Sanjay Chugh explains: “Body image and self-esteem have always gone hand-in-hand. Body image is how we view and feel about our physical appearance and self-esteem is how we perceive ourselves in totality, how much do we love and approve of ourselves?”.
“To a certain extent, one's self-esteem also gets shaped by how others view and evaluate us and how much are we liked or loved by them,” adds Dr Chugh.
Ananya Tripathi still admits to feeling fat (and therefore unappealing). She laments: “In school, I was always the fat girl of the bunch. I didn’t really make any guy friends since I was always going out with my boyfriend, who was very thin. And I always believed what he said, though, he dumped me after 8 years of relationship only because I am fat.” Ananya’s experience probably seems familiar, because women are mainly responsible for the emotional labor in relationships, and not men.
Disturbing it may be, but there are instances like Ananya’s, where many girls fall into the Fat Girl or Ugly Duckling Syndrome. “I have friends that are gorgeous women, successful and just plain beautiful. I was in situations early in my life where I was down on myself. As a child, I was always chunkier and had the fat girl syndrome. I regret missing out on a lot of things,” says 27-year-old physiotherapist Vibhuti Acharya.
Fitness Consultant Dr Namita Agarwal of Fitness Fusion says: “Being obese or overweight is the root cause. Whether you are in a relationship or out of it, being fit and healthy is essential.”
Ritu Gupta, who has been a hardcore fitness freak all throughout her life, laments: “No matter what size you are, you have to find your self worth and confidence. To feel sexy or beautiful and to be able to find a significant other to make you feel that way either, it is important to have a healthy workout regime, look good and attractive.”
Shaila George, a housewife in her 30’s, says: “I am too ashamed to even talk to friends and family. My husband has been unhappy with my weight gain over the past four years. He argues unnecessarily and told me that I am ugly, fat and don’t turn him on any more. My morale went down and I am unable to cope with the fact that my husband is not interested in me because am overweight.” However, how hard it may be but being overweight may ruin relationships, to an extent. “We have already filed for divorce. My husband is a very shallow person to use my looks and weight as an excuse. I no longer want a man who tries to break me,” laments George.
How to deal with it?
Senior Consultant Psychologist Dr Sanjay Chugh says: “Concepts like beauty, fairness, perfect body size, etc are glamourized and are associated with a lot of approval and acceptance from self and others around us. This somewhere gets reinforced in the minds of young girls and often puts them under pressure and makes them less appreciative of themselves. At times the pressure is from the outside, that is, external rather than internal. There are people - family, friends, relatives - who tell us how unappealing we look or that our body size is a reason why we are disliked or rejected by others. This can become extremely difficult to bear at an emotional level especially when such criticisms come from one's boyfriend or husband. The girl ends up feeling embarrassed and ashamed for what she is and how she is and begins to think that her boyfriend / husband does not like her, finds her unattractive, ugly and therefore would not love her and reject her. It is this fear of being rejected or disapproved or the need to be approved and loved by your partner that often drives them to do anything possible under the sun, no matter how self-damaging it might be, physically and / or emotionally.”
He further adds: "One way of bringing about a change and dealing with this Fat Girl Syndrome is learning to respect and appreciate yourself for what you are and how you are, irrespective of how and what others have to say or think about it. If one is able to love herself unconditionally, then it makes little difference to how others assess you. Becoming comfortable with your own body image is very important in order to keep yourself in a healthy state of mind else one is always preoccupied with our looks, worrying about it, feeling depressed and dissatisfied with it. Count your strengths and assets and learn to give yourself credit for it. Become aware of your weaknesses and work towards improving yourself and becoming better as that would do wonders to your confidence level and help you have a broader perspective on how to evaluate self and others around you".
Talk it out!
Has this happened to you? Have you been in a FGS-like situation? If so, what did you do to get over the absolute hurt of being rejected because of your looks/weight? I would love to hear from you!
